Thursday, November 4, 2010

Private V’s Public

I’m new to this blogging thing and I wanted to explore the question do you go Private V’s Public?
This is something I have struggled with in my life of infertility.  Do you go public and share all your challenges/disappointments/desires with anyone that crosses your path or do you keep it private and only share with the selected few.
I think both paths have their own challenges
Going Public
I honestly believe going public is the braver option. It allows you to be open & honest with people when they start asking you questions about when you are going to have kids etc. There are no secrets and people can have some understanding of what you are going thru. However does it place addition pressure or expectations on you, say especially if you are having fertility treatment and they too are waiting eagerly for the outcome. Also what happens when you see the days turn into years (just like in my case) do peoples thoughts change from sadness for your situation to pity. This may be the time you start to hear comments second hand from people saying “oh it’s so sad that XYZ can’t have children or are having problems”. Also once you go public there is no turning back, once you have put it out there in the universe you can’t retract it.
Going Private
I think going private is taking the safer option, however it still doesn’t stop the same questions  being asked about when you are going to have kids, it just means you  have to come up with creative answers to satisfy them. Also because people don’t know or aren’t aware of your situation you may find yourself fending off insensitive comments, statements or questions.  Furthermore as time goes on you will find people will just assume or jump to conclusion about you anyway because it’s just human nature.   “Oh they have been married for like 5 years and they have no kids, I wonder if they are having problems or even if they want them”.
For Me & My Mr W (My Mr Wonderful) we have taken the “private” pathway.  This is what works for us. We have a few close friends & family member who we confide in but we don’t feel the need to share with everyone. And yes we do get sick of answering the same old questions about when we are going to have kids and having to come up with vague answers. We know people aren’t stupid, we have been married for 10 years & they see us dote on the kids we are lucky enough to have in our lives, so we are sure people put two & two together.  However we have never had the need to be open about our situation with everyone that broaches the subject with us. We are very selective on who we share with, we believe it’s no else’s business and we are over the caring stage of what other people think.
However I think what I have learnt through my own experience, that everyone is different. Not one method is the “right” way. Everyone deals with things in their own way and that is okay. What works for one person will not always work for the other.

Bee xxx

1 comment:

  1. Hi Bee, welcome to the IF blogging community. Thanks for following my blog and adding to mine to your blog list.

    I think you have seen what I have written on my blog about this, but it really is a personal decision. We only told immediate family and it was great that they stopped asking us about when we are having kids, but instead we got 'so how are YOU doing?' all the time instead. We have decided not tell about our upcoming cycle because we just want to avoid all the questions and everyone worrying about us all the time. Good luck with your decision, I think there are positive and negative for both. Kim.